Happy Birthday Justin Timberlake, Nolan Ryan and – most importantly – our Nightcaps sister Amber Harding. We’re going to celebrate OutKick style with Nick Bosa, though he won’t be partaking in much of the fun, and Sofia Vergara, whom we’re counting on for party treats since she is Griselda and all.
And while we’re at it, we’ll provide some cheese for the Pacers’ Tyrese Haliburton’s whine and cash in with a Hooters waitress on…wait for it…her birthday.
So buckle in for this last day of January – ya, it’s (almost) finally over!
No Beers For Nick Bosa!
Super Bowl bound-Nick Bosa isn’t a beer guy. That makes one of us.
Following the 49ers’ win over Green Bay in the NFC Divisional Playoffs, Nick Bosa was asked about potentially celebrating the team’s win with a beer. I somehow missed his answer at the time, but his comments began resurfacing earlier this week. And it turns out, Bosa might not fit in with the OutKick crowd (or at least not its writers).
“Beer doesn’t really do it for me. Maybe something else,” Bosa told media members.
Who knew San Francisco employed an alien on their defensive line?
Sofia Vergara As Griselda Likely Wouldn’t Pass Up A Beer
When we bounce back and forth between Timberlake, Ryan and Amber’s birthday parties, let’s make a note to swing by 7-Eleven to grab Bosa a couple of Muscle Milks to keep him happy. But let’s be real, no matter the drink list, no celebration would be complete without inviting life of the party Griselda Blanco.
Griselda is the former real life drug queenpin who is played by Sofia Vergara in Netflix’s hit series, “Griselda.” And holy hell, what a ride. Six episodes of cocaine, blood, sex and money. What more could you want? My wife and I binged the series over two nights. Now that football is essentially done until the next Taylor Swift sighting, I recommend giving this a watch.
Vergara kills it – and plenty of enemies. She looks like a completely different person and, unlike Bosa, she never passes up a drink throughout the series’ run.
Vergara told Netflix she wore Spanx to hide her boobs and butt (I can confirm, it didn’t always work) in order to look less like herself and more like her character.
Make Concerts Cheap Again! And Start With Timberlake…
From selling blow to tickets that blow we go as the Birthday celebration carries on. Justin Timberlake turns 43 today. Man, some of you guys out there are getting old.
Knock JT all you want, but I’m a fan. He sings, dances, acts and married Jessica Biel. He also has a reported net worth of $250 million. Not a bad resume.
He also delivered one of the most entertaining Super Bowl halftime performances we’ve seen, and I’m not even talking about the one where he shared the stage with Janet Jackson and her nipple. Nope. I’m talking about Super Bowl LII from Minnesota, where he mixed in a Prince tribute and a selfie.
The only knock on Timberlake is his ticket prices. And, admittedly, he’s far from the only artist charging a buttload of money for live performances. Timberlake is on tour this spring/summer and you’ll need a second job (or at least a job other than Writer/Editor) to see Timberlake perform
J.T.’s in Seattle in early May (currently the first show with available tickets) and as of today, the cheapest seats will run you $630.50, per ticket. Naturally, that price does not include fees and your seat will invoke the kind of nosebleeds Griselda’s customers knew all too well.
What happened to $25 lawn seats? Alright, maybe I’m showing my age. How about $50 or $75? I don’t blame the artists. If someone is willing to pay it, great. But maybe skip the light shows, fireworks and dozens of backup dancers and give me some tunes.
I’m just glad yours truly purchased a 4 pack of Hootie & the Blowfish (showing my age again) lawn seats for this summer’s tour for $36.55 each.
Now get off my lawn seats!
If you found a similarly good deal or took out a second mortgage to see Morgan Wallen, let me know about it: anthony.farris@outkick.com or on X, @OhioAF.
Hooters Waitress Can Almost Afford Ticket Post-Birthday
A Hooters waitress in Dallas, TX is close to being able to afford a Timberlake ticket after racking up tips during her birthday week (I’m sensing a theme here) shifts. 22-year-old Savannah told her TikTok audience last week that she was going to wear a birthday sash for each of the four shifts she worked throughout the week in an attempt to get more cash.
And, well, it worked.
Savannah was scheduled for four shifts, but only worked three – one of which was a partial shift- and brought in close to $600.
“So for three out of the four birthday shifts that I ended up working,” Savannah told her TikTok followers. “I made $571 in total.”
@savwayy birthday shift(s) @ hooters 🧡🧡 #howmuchimade #coutingtips #hooters #hootersgirl #birthday #foryou #fypシ ♬ original sound – sav
Something tells me the place of employment, uniform, clientele and Savannah’s figure had as much to do with those birthday tips as the sash did.
Hey, at least she’s out there working.
Also, the most interesting part of the TikTok – which has been viewed 5.5 million times – wasn’t how much the Hooters waitress made, but this admission about a missed shift: “I came in, had a UTI, so I had to go home,” Savannah said. “It was a whole thing so I ended up leaving and going home.”
Ok then.
Tyrese Haliburton Wants To Skip Work Too
If you didn’t know, the NBA put a new rule into place prior to this season that requires players to play 20 minutes in 65 games to qualify for any postseason award. Those awards would be things like All-NBA, MVP, Defensive Player of the Year, etc.
For the players, this is important because such awards almost always translate to massive contract incentives if achieved. That’s sometimes a problem considering that quite a few NBA players would rather sit out and collect paychecks than do their job.
Haliburton, an All-Star and one of the league’s next generation of great players, has missed 13 games this season due to (a legit) injury. He also missed the majority of another game in which he injured his hamstring. To be eligible for the All-NBA team (which seems like a near certainty), he can miss only three more regular season games. And he’s not thrilled with that, considering making an All-NBA team would increase his contract by roughly $40 million over five years.
“I think it’s a stupid rule, like plenty of the guys in the league, but this is what the owners want, so as players, we gotta do our job and play in 65 games if we’re able to,” Haliburton said Monday. “So, that’s what I gotta do, take care of my body to be able to play in those games, and I think you’re seeing other players in the league kind of face the same thing. As long as the owners are happy.”
Haliburton, by the way, makes only $5.8 million this season. Starting next season he’s slated to make anywhere between $35 and $46.5 million for each of the next five seasons. Not sure how anyone could possibly will their way through 65 games for such a paltry amount of money…
Maybe he should consider playing in a sash during his birthday week.
Happy 77th Nolan Ryan
No chance Nolan Ryan would be complaining about days off. He’d rather spend his time beating ass. So what better way to celebrate The Ryan Express than by looking back at the time when the then-46-year-old hurler beat 26-year-old Robin Ventura’s ass?
That was nearly 31 years ago, August of 1993. The clip’s so good you’d think even Nick Bosa would drink to that.
See You In February!
It’s time to close the book on January’s Nightcaps. We’ll do this again next week when Nightcaps nears its one year birthday celebration (sashes are currently on order) – yes, Nightcaps debuted in February of 2023 – but you already knew that. Until then, enjoy the leftover party favors!
*Nightcaps publishes at roughly 4pm Monday through Friday.
Follow along on X: @OhioAF